...feelings?

Something I've been wondering about - in a relationship, are the two people two individuals or two halves making each other whole? Many is the argument that convincingly shows just because one is in a relationship doesn't make them give up their identity, their personality, their uniqueness. Fair enough, I agree. Other train of throught would be, if you're in a relationship, you share everything with the partner, agree on compromises, which conequently makes you give yourself up, to a point, to be completed or re-filled if you will, by the partner. I can also see the reason in there, because if I'm not going to share my life completely with anyone else, what's the point of having the relationship?
So when my boyfriend said to me the other day that he's not responsible for my feelings, I was taken aback and am still trying to make sense of the statement. "You make me happy" and "You make me sad" and "You make me laugh" and "You make me angry" and "You hurt my feelings" are phrases that should simply be stricken from the vocabulary because they're not correct, because nobody can "make me" or tell me how to feel. I agree that people are responsible for their actions and their thoughts and that they have a certain influence over their emotional reactions. For instance, if a stupid waiter pisses me off it is my choice whether I let it bother me or simply laugh it off. Fact remains, the feeling of annoyance is always there, my power consists of deciding on how to deal with it.
I don't think it works that easily for discussions in a relationship though, because obviously my boyfriend is the closest person to me on the face of this planet, and whatever he says or does will affect me in some way or another. It is also my firm belief that emotions by my definition (I see them as coming not from the brain but from some other place, possibly linked with the genetic makeup, not exactly sure and certainly not entirely explicable) cannot be influenced. This a "however" to the above example, cos granted it should be possible to rationalise oneself into feeling less annoyed or more at ease, depending on the situation.
How am I supposed to argue this with him though? Or at least convince him that my position is valid, too? Where's the compromise? The message that he wanted to send was one of support, no doubt, because he's that kind of guy. The message that I received was one of "you're on your own kid, deal with it." Which made me wonder about the whole "why are we in relationships in the first place" shenanigan that is the last two or three posts. Worst thing is I can't even talk to him about it, because it's all pretty muddled and unclear in my own brains - no chance of communicating properly until I know what my whole point is. Let me try and break it down into easily digestible chunks:
I always have some kind of feeling.
I have the feelings I have and I can't explain them because they're not rational (duh).
I have feelings as a reaction to a situation, a comment, a movie, a book, a conversation.
If it's acceptable to say "whenever I hear this song it reminds me of a very emotional situation which brings tears to my eyes, in effect, this song makes me cry", then why can't I say that a person, through comment or action, make me cry?
What's so wrong with taking responsibility not only for your own feelings but also for those of your partner, friends and family, in short, those you care about?
But in that case, where to draw the line? I don't want to be held responsible for the feelings of that waiter telling him to shove it when he pissed me off.
Dilemma!